Why life-work balance is a myth (and what to aim for instead)
Does life-work balance really exist?
Honestly, I’m not sure it does. I find ‘life work-blend’ a much better aim.
See there’s always a compromise to be made. Every time we say yes to one thing, it’s a direct no to something else. Yes to an evening event is a no to bedtime stories. No to a crack-of-dawn breakfast meeting is a yes to a session at the gym.
There’s often guilt tied up in those choices, and I’ve never felt it more acutely than since becoming a parent. Am I spending enough time with my daughter? My husband? My family? My friends? And equally, am I giving enough of myself to my business?
As a concept, rigid “life-work balance” felt far too restrictive for me, like I was constantly trying to keep work and life at opposite ends of a see-saw. I’d set strict ‘work hours,’ and anything outside of those was supposedly dedicated to ‘life’. But real life doesn’t fit into neat little boxes, and trying to force it meant I felt like I was constantly failing.
Moving from rigid balance to a flexible blend
A life-work blend weaves tasks together, allowing work and personal life to move in and out naturally over the day. Having the flexibility to walk the dog while taking a call, or dictate a chapter of my book while driving to a meeting. For me this isn’t compromising, it’s making the business work around my life.
I had to live the extreme opposite to get here. Back when I was running Rubber Cheese, my rigid attempts to separate ‘work’ and ‘life’ nearly broke me. It’s how I ended up in a hospital bed finalising a pitch document – I simply didn’t know how to let the agency stop, and I put work before life every single time.
The breaking point of rigid boundaries
Trying to force traditional office constraints around human lives is often the catalyst that exposes the rigidity of “work-life balance”.
Gareth Hoyle, founder of digital marketing agency Marketing Signals, had a massive wake-up call during the pandemic that completely redefined how he viewed physical desks versus genuine human well-being. Looking back at their old studio setup he realised just how much time was being wasted on “presenteeism”:
“In COVID, we got rid of our office. Nothing made me happier. We had a guy, wow, this blows my mind when I think back. We had a guy, a writer, that wrote for us. He’d drive for an hour to the office, put his headphones on, work all day, and drive home. I basically owe him about a year of his life from sitting in traffic. What were we thinking?”
As we discuss in an upcoming episode of Lifestyle is a Plan podcast, ditching the physical office permanently allowed Gareth to build a business that actually respects people’s time. Today, Marketing Signals runs a fully remote, 4-day, 32-hour workweek, evaluating people on their output rather than hours sat at a desk. It means his team can seamlessly weave their day around walking the dog or picking kids up from school – a much more sustainable way to live and work.
Blend gives you the freedom to design your days on your terms. Today, my garden office pod acts as my physical boundary to put life first. I don’t work Fridays or weekends – that’s a strict part of my Founder Success Criteria. But I don’t mind working the odd evening and I’ll happily chat with my clients on WhatsApp while walking to the gym.
And controversially, I don’t even mind doing a bit of work on holiday. Not sitting by the pool on a laptop, that’s a hard no. But when my face is in the sun and my mind is at rest, my best ideas take shape and my Notes app takes a beating.
When life ‘lifes’: Navigating trauma and decision paralysis
The concept of ‘balance’ was tested to its absolute limit for me when trying to navigate infertility and eight rounds of IVF. You can’t compartmentalise something like that.
For nearly nine years, our lives were consumed by uncertainty. Decisions became completely paralysing. Do we move to a house near good schools, or to the middle of nowhere? How many bedrooms will we need? My car broke down – do I buy a practical family car or the sports car I’ve always wanted? Your own decision paralysis might stem from completely different reasons. You might find yourself caring for elderly parents, dealing with a surprise diagnosis or navigating major personal shifts.
During our treatment, I lost all control of my diary. I was cancelling and rearranging meetings with less than 24 hours’ notice, managing constant waves of grief and loss and making three-hour round trips into London while frantically working every second on the train so I wouldn’t let anyone down. Trying to keep all of that separate from my team and clients was impossible. In the end, I chose to tell them – and eventually, the world. Embracing that open blend was the relief I desperately needed.
Looking back, the advice I’d give my past self is simple: Put life first. Model the agency structure to support your life, not the other way around.
3 ways to protect your blend when things get tough
If you’re navigating a challenging personal season while trying to run your agency, these three approaches saved my sanity:
1. Have the difficult conversations early
Whether it’s a health issue or a major personal life change, people are generally far more understanding than we give them credit for. We created meeting strategies with clients that built in multiple dates upfront in case I couldn’t make one. Opening the door for empathetic, human conversations in the workplace made an immeasurable difference.
2. Delegate as much as humanly possible
You cannot be a people-pleaser when life gets heavy, it will burn you out. Grab a pen and paper, list every single thing you do in your role, and delegate anything that doesn’t strictly require you to deliver it. Even as a solo founder today, I would happily trade a bit of profit for extra support to avoid crippling anxiety every single time.
3. Be fiercely kind to yourself
Say no often. Say it louder. Leave the laptop at home. Not every waking moment needs to be used productively, even if throwing yourself into work feels like a convenient escape. Grab a book, put on a podcast, or stare out the window – whatever you do, make it full of self-kindness.
Your agency, your choices
At the end of the day, all we can do is make intentional choices that feel right for our lives. Agency life can be fast-paced and high-pressure, but you don’t have to accept the mainstream narrative of how a business “should” be run.
Design the life you want first, and then build the agency model that supports it.